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Subject: "A Speech That Should Be Given" * Note Photo At Bottom Of Page!
Shared by Pappy Haymaker
What follows is the text of a presidential address to be given by President Bush on May 4, 2003. The source of this material remains unidentified.
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. A new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be stable.
Our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. ! One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed here.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that starting today, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the out ! years, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your own damn problems. Need help? Call Germany.
On that note a word to terrorist organizations. #*!@^% with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your relatives from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II.
Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose. But for God's sake Israel and for Allah's sake Palestine, Yank yer heads outta @!#^%& defilade and work out a peace deal. J! ust note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't give a !$#~@^% about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch you're precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A very special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a l! ot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pi%@!~* us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm puttin 'em?
Yep, border security.
So, start doing something with your oil. Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of xenophobia. My response is simple and direct: If you can play that word in Scrabble, do it, as soon as your turn comes round.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.
I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is ! time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate Homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.
We will develop energy independence. We will restructure our nation for its isolationist destiny.
I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow proposing the first actions which that august body should take as we move in a new direction.
(MY EDIT: "I am declairing a national emergancy. We won't 'fiddle' [with a US Congress that is about as relivant as the United Nations] while the USA burns while I am in office. What I am saying now is that this will go into effect immediately! ~ End MY EDIT.)
Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office. The First Lady and I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some fun. Laura and I have been talking about takin' one of those cruises up to Alaska.
Personally, I could care less who gets elected in ~~~~. Throw a little fascism into the mix and elect Senator Clinton. She can appoint the editorial board of the New York Times to her Cabinet.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dea! d.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks g uys. We owe you.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
~~ Unclaimed
And the theme goes on . . .
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered,"The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded,"
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable."
~~ Unknown
And the theme goes on . . .
Orig: Beverly
Sent: Friday, April 25, 2003 11:46 AM
Subject: Homeland Security important announcement
Homeland Security has announced they will soon be implementing new software which will record every click of your mouse.
It is their belief that it will operate completely transparently and that the average user will not notice any difference in performance.
Click on the URL below to observe this incredible new technology:
http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes/
(Keep Looking Up-Brother ~ BC)
May your mornings bring joy
and your evenings bring peace...
May your troubles grow less
as your blessings increase!
And the theme goes on . . .
Something to add? Send it by E-mail.
A Poem to France
Eleven thousand soldiers lay beneath the dirt and stone, All buried on a distant land so far away from home. For just a strip of dismal beach they paid a hero's price, To save a foreign nation they all made the sacrifice.
And now the shores of Normandy are lined with blocks of white, Americans who didn't turn from someone else's plight. Eleven thousand reasons for the French to take our side, But in the moment of our need, they chose to run and hide.
Chirac said every war means loss ... perhaps for France that's true, For they've lost every battle since the days of Waterloo. With so few soldiers, worth a damn, found in any region, The French became the only Land to need a Foreign Legion.
You French all say we're arrogant ... Well, hell, we earned the right-- We saved your sorry nation when you lacked the guts to fight. But now you've made a big mistake, and one that you'll regret; YOU took sides with our ENEMIES, and that ... we won't forget.
It wasn't just our citizens you spit on when you turned, But every one of ours, who fell, the day the Towers burned. You spit upon our soldiers, on our pilots and Marines, And now you'll get a little sense of just what payback means.
So keep your Paris fashions and your wine and your champagnes, And find some other market that will buy your airo planes. Try finding someone else to wear your French cologne, For you're about to find out what it means to stand ALONE.
You see, you need us far more than we ever needed you. America has better friends who know how to be true. I'd rather stand with warriors who have the will and might, Than huddle in the dark with those whose only flag is white.
I'll take the Brits, the Aussies, the Israelis and the rest, For when it comes to valor we have seen that they're the BEST. We'll count on one another as we face a moment dire, While you sit on the sideline with a sign "friendship for hire"
We'll win this war without you and we'll total up the cost, And take it from your foreign aid, and then you'll feel the loss. And when your nation starts to fall, Frenchie, you can spare us, Just call the Germans for a hand, they know the way to Paris......
..............................
FORWARD THIS ON ... Please.
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BEST FRIENDS are the siblings
God forgot to give us.
Beverly W.
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