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Sixty-five and counting.
This is one in a series of stories, “The Short and Long Of It All.” Some are personal, some are of the Craig and Fleming families. Your story will be gladly published here. If your are interested send a sample of your story to
Early childhood memories begin to develop. Time begins to register in the human mind. Ever so slowly time and development creeps toward the unknown at a seemingly hesitant pace. One thinks that tomorrow will never arrive and strains for it as though it were a bubble that will burst before it is realized. Every day is but an effort to acquire the next. Hour by hour each reality becomes but a dim memory and, as it were, water under the bridge. Often this water seems muddy and somewhat like the bilge water with all its filth and grime – as bad memories become swallowed up by the welcome tool of forgetfulness. Youth thus vanishes in the endeavor to reach for the next tomorrow, the next week and then the next year.
Most reel through their first twenty or so years wishing for the age of twenty-one. This happens in the mind of human experience and one wonders, "What was so bad about being twenty?" Nevertheless that golden age of twenty-one happens and all of a sudden everything seems so much the same as things felt at the age of twenty – or eighteen – or twelve. It is around this age that it would seem that the realization dawns that an individual is climbing a ladder. The ladder would appear, one assumes, to be reaching all the way into the heavens. Not a lot of attention is wasted on the type of ladder or the quality of such a device.
This ladder is far different than climbing a hill. At some time in life one is able to get a stand-off-ish view of the ladder and how it is constructed. It almost seems as though the ladder is of the type used by the fire fighters -- attached to the back of a truck which is firmly planted on solid ground. No thought is given, as the climber climes, that this ladder is only supported by the truck itself -- not firmly planted at the top to some substantial support. It is just stuck up there – high in the air. Another thing that can be observed by the one standing back, but not by the one doing the climbing, is that as the upward climb is accomplished one rung at a time (and one may imagine), each rung of the ladder dissolves behind allowing for no return. It is really much like a 'one-way-ticket.' Always upward, never looking back until a plateau is reached. Once the maximum height is achieved and the platform seems to be of a substantial firmness so as to supply confidence and comfort, then, and only then, it becomes clear that the way of return is gone.
All the rungs are gone. One is then standing on firm footing but alas, no way up and no way down. (Speaking in the physical rather than the spiritual. Somewhat like a dream.).
This discussion here is only in consideration of the physical side of life – but not with indifference to the spiritual relationship the human family has with God.. It is only fair to point out that some would not understand the introspection of the human condition choosing to argue instead that we have the Lord to comfort us as we find ourselves stranded on the side of the cliff leading into the precipice of despair.
Although many will not notice this transitional journey, it is possible to see the assent and descent of life by observing the life span of man’s best friend – the dog. One buys or obtains a pet, say a dog – small puppy. In comparison to the human journey the life of your new pet, the puppy, advances quite quickly. If one stands back a bit it will be noticed that during life an individual can obtain and raise to adult several dogs in a single human lifetime. They climb quickly to the top rung of their existence and soon they are gone. No so with you and I. Ours is a one way trip, a one time journey. Get it right this time because there will not be another and there is no return ticket.
Have you ever owned a dog that outlived its health? You’d bonded with the animal and it bonded with you. It understood you, it seamed, even when other humans didn’t. Now it has become old and each day it becomes weaker and less able to care for itself. Your pet may need hand fed. You might have to struggle, lift and drag it out-doors so that it can ‘do it’s business.’ Then the day comes when it can no longer even do that. A decision has to be made. You are torn inside with the only choice you have. It becomes necessary to ‘put the dog down.’ The only thing more sad is if this journey is that of a loved one – a family member. However, we don’t think of human life in terms such as to ‘put-one-down.’ Mother fell one day and broke her leg. The Doctor was called and was soon there kneeling beside her (many years ago when doctors were still making house calls). Dr. Evans ask mom, “Do you want a shot for pain?” “No” said mom, “that is what they do to horses.”
Sixty five and counting. Yes life has placed you above to the top rung of your existence. You stand there on the platform – the place you spent your entire being reaching for – one rung at a time. You are now there. It isn’t what you expected. Although you have achieved all there is for you to achieve and you look about from your perch – there is no-new-thing for you to see. After all, you have seen it in all its entirety – one rung at a time. Always reaching. Always striving – the earthly struggle to survive and accomplish. You are there. Now what do you do?
Sixty five and no longer climbing. As the rungs of life slowly gave way to your steady up-ward climb you may have considered your desire to never become a burden to anyone else. It was never your wish to be ‘looked after’ – much as a small infant looks to another for every creature comfort of life. The difference made between your stage in life and that of the infant is in the fact that you are able to consciously observe, put things together in your mind, understand what is happening to you – all things that the infant cannot do. The infant is just there. You are there, on your plateau, and you see and understand what it is that is. The infant is unable to do anything about its condition. As may be the case, you too are unable to control your situation. You see it. You know what it is. You find that each day you are less and less able to control the uncontrollable. You are arriving at the point in life when you are going to be more and more dependent on others – to lift you from one place to another. You are sixty five and no longer climbing – you are simply depending. You can’t retrace your steps. The steps are all gone. The platform at the top of the ladder is extended as far as it can be – no choice, no effort – you are dependant. We won’t even consider here old-age (forgetful, amnesiac) disease.
Sixty five and holding. There are many hours to think while you stand here – this point in life where you suddenly find yourself. You think, ponder and wonder if this or that . . . what is it that you could have done while climbing one rung at a time – to better prepare yourself for this new station in life? You suppose this or that but none of the suppositions bring relief or escape. You are now here. How will you handle it? You are not like the pet in any way. You are human. That means that you were made in the image of God. This takes you out of the realm of possibilities which would cause you to be “put-down.” Euthanasia is not an option for you. Your being breathes a bit easier at that thought . . . OH really? Does it? Or, do you wonder if it might have been better if God had placed a handle on the faucet of life. A handle that could be turned to off?
One might say that life is more like climbing a hill than a ladder. However, after you have climbed to the top of the hill there is the valley. It is extremely difficult for you to know what the valley has in store. Then after you traverse the grassy areas, the swamps, the creeks and the trees, eventually there is but another hill to be climbed. Once that hill is triumphed, there is but another, and another. Eventually no more hills can be climbed and you find yourself in the same place of that of the one that climbed the ladder. You are too worn to retrace your footsteps, and even if you could, would you want to? There will always be the last rung, the last hill or the last valley.
Sixty five and holding . . . Some have came to a point in life where they wondered if it would be best to just quit taking vital medications and hasten the next step. Then another realization floods over you as your understanding of your human existence causes you to realize that this action may only cause more problems and make you even less able to care for your daily necessities. Another heart attack, a stroke or other weaknesses of body exposed. What a place to be. You are at the plateau of your life . . . no more rungs to climb and your entire physical being depends on others. How can one accomplish independence when one has no independence left? Is it earned? Do you have a right to intrude on others feelings of obligation. How different it is to proceed from infancy, the place we have all traveled, and grow into self sufficiency, only to fall back into the state of being senile. You are swiftly approaching the mental infirmity as a consequence of old age and no matter how well you understand it nor how much you fight it . . . one day you realize that you are there. All the time, your physical being deteriorates and you take the prescriptions you have to keep you alive – yet and again, you wonder if not taking them would hasten the inevitable. You are then jolted to life once more when your realize that if you stop it could be that everything would be accelerated and you simply prolonged your suffering. The dilemma of sixty five and holding.
Sixty five and succeeding. If you have read this and found yourself in a state of dispar it may be that you need to change from the physical looks of things and enter the realm of your spiritual relationship with God. The answer as to how you got to this place in human existence is found in the Genesis story where God’s purpose and relationship with mankind had its beginnings. Genesis 1:1 holds all the answers to the things we have pondered here. “In the beginning God. . .” Everything from that verse all the way up and to John 3:16 describes your journey in every way. John 3:16 gives us a portrait of God and His plan for your escape. Jesus is willing to carry you the rest of the way home!
–bc
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