Dear Brother Bob:
I've set here with the machine off and the lightning
seemed to go away. I read something and am going to
send it to you -- the spell checker should catch
the errors :-)
Often when I have wondered what tomorrow would bring
my mind would overdrive back to years ago. I think
that is a bit of what has brought me to 65+.
My mother was anything but ideal. She was sometimes
contemptible and frequently sweet. She was hyper
and at times soft. It seems I recall more of the
hard side of her. Here are some things that bring
the past to life when the future looks dim.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE.
"If you are going to kill each other, do it
outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fallout of that swing and break your
neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to
cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science
of OSMOSIS. "Shut your moth and eat
your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of
your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of your looks as if a tornado
went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million
times; don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world,
and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about
ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"you're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me PLANT BIOLOGY.
"If you don't spit out those seeds you'll
grow a watermelon inside of you."
26. My mother taught me FARMING.
"You've got enough dirt in those ears
to grow potatoes in there."
27. And my all time favorite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
they turn out just like you!"